Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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