I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
