saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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