Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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