I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
