I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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