I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
