just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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