The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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