I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
