also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
