If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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