I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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