dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
