That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
