Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
