We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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