No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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