Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Green mimosas i think yes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
