she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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