Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ugly people sure do ruin things
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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