Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
