I smell stomach acid.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
