Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
