my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
