Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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