It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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