Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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