I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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