I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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