East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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