I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
