My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
