The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
