So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
