Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
