4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
