i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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