I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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