Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
