Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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