Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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