just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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