why didn't you poke me back
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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