My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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