I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
