So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
