at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
