I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
