I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
