I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
