Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
