the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
